On being in Mexico as a United States born citizen

Okay here's the deal.

I've been super like numbed out for a while and hadn't been able to figure it out. And still have a lot to figure out but I do have some thoughts now and perspective on my stay here for the past what is almost two months.

I feel bad, like all the time. I am a person who was born in the US, automatically was granted citizenship the moment I came into existence, learned English as my first language, and just had the benefit of the doubt that things would be okay in my life..in terms of my safety and that my parents (which not to take away from worked really hard for me to get to that place) taught me to assume that I was going to college after high school.

Here walking down the street, there's someone on every block trying to sell me something. Annoyed at the constant pestering of it, I repeat, "no gracias, no gracias" and try to avoid eye contact to minimize the persistence of the vendor. And because I feel bad. Because while I'm being annoyed, I also know that many of these people selling gum or whatever wares don't really have other options. And I see these kids who are maybe 5 years old trying to sell me things and my heart falls apart. And these indigenous women with their petite bodies hunched over showing years of hard work, literally huddled so small that sometimes were your walking you don't even see them as they sit their weaving baskets or embroidering shirts, commodifying their culture out of neccesity, trying to get money. And these men sitting without their legs asking for a few pesos. And the constant "no gracias, no gracias" that comes out of my mouth. When I know that the US is directly responsible for a good amount of the economic hardship in this country. For the drugs war that is pervasive across the country, for the destruction of Mexican agricultural land just to follow suite with mass production and GMO ownership that is happening in the US, for the loss of forest so I can blow my snot in a Kimberly Clarke Kleenex and quickly be rid of it. For the total disregard that I have been raised with for other countries in the US education system where I learn American history and maybe European history if I want to go above and beyond. Because none of the other countries matter, it doesn't matter how the consumption that I take for granted directly destroys communities that I have never even heard the name of and might not ever know exist.

And when I am talking to a person here. I feel bad. I feel bad that I am not better at speaking the language of the country where I am. That in the United States I learn another language because its cool and fascinating unlike the rest of the world that is pushed to learn English because otherwise they will be left behind. I feel like I don't deserve their patience as I try to fumble out a sentence because of what my country is doing to their country. Because the power and privilege that I have that they do not. That I can come to their country for free but they have to pay $300 to even apply for a visa that the US consulate gets to decide based on their income if they fancy to let them come. And that I can move to Mexico and have a happy dandy life but that if they would like to move to the United States, that's basically not an option. Or incredibly dangerous and expensive.

So. with this I still don't really know what to do and will be wracked with this guilt. But I do know that I can read the news, educate myself as a global citizen, get upset about things that matter, form relationships with people, and live my life to make meaningful change.

Thanks if you made it through this post.
Much love.

vamos al mercado!

In resolution to the fact that I have been eating the equivalent of about a loaf of bread a day from going to the panaderia (bakery) I went to the market and went on a fruit buying spree. For $4 I got a banana, a mango, a peach, carrots, a handful of string beans, two apples, a half a kilo of peanuts, and a yellow pepper. cheap eats man...

the anti gold mining conference poster

View of the main church

This past weekend we went to a village called Calpuluapan de Mendez in the Sierra Juarez region of Oaxaca. It's a really beautiful area surrounding by mountains reminiscent of Vermont. The town is called a "pueblo magico" an official designation from the national tourism bureau as a popular eco-tourism spot. The pueblo sits in a "cloud forest" with its low level clouds that make the forests heavily moist and almost tropical.     A few weekends ago, I took a colectivo (like a taxi) with some friends to Calpuluapan for an international conference against mining. The community had in the past let companies in to harvest gold but with the destruction of their natural springs, they decided they wanted to stop the mining. Their forests are now protected, they bottle their natural spring water, and have a strong and admirable resistance again gold mining. However, they are worried about keeping the mining companies out because although the community is in agreement and the land belongs to them, the national government has final ownership over what is beneath the soil. Furthermore its a conflict of belief because the people of the community believe that the sky, the soils, and the earth below are all connected and communally shared, not a commodity to be sold.

big tree..

I of course forgot my camera so I don't have pictures, but we got to on a quick hike up to see their water bottling facility that's run by two women and a man and hear what's going on with the mining while sitting in this crazy forest (^where that picture is from). A man named Francisco from the community was telling us everything with Luisa as usual translating for us. Luisa is from Oaxaca and got involved with the UVM program through the school of an old professor named Gustavo Estava that co-founded a school called Universidad del Tierra that functions on a  hands-on alternative learning method. She had been training to be a traditional healer but realized she was more interested in other types of healing so decided to stop studying it and do other things. She's about one of the nicest people I've met..

Also while in Capulaupan, we did a temamezcal (a sweat lodge). It's supposed to be for physical and spiritual cleansing and was a pretty intense experience. It was also major bonding time because we were sitting naked in tiny wooden chairs in a clay hut for an hour, sweating our butts off, with leaves on our chests (to take away the bad energy) and attempting to sing songs in Spanish while bawling our eyes out for one reason or another. I think I'm still recovering haha..(just kidding..it was amazing but brought a lot of reality to the trip with hearing about things that are going on in people's lives)

Here's a naked man mumbling one of the songs (start at like 2:06). For my non-spanish speaking homies, it's about purifying the body and reconnecting with mother nature. The temazcal itself is in the shape of a womb in honor of mother nature and the ceremony draws on the four elements; wind, water, fire, earth.

Back in Oaxaca, everyone spent all Sunday in a cafe drinking cafe Oaxaqueno (Oaxacan coffee which is black coffee with cinnamon in it) and busting out our literature reviews for our independent study projects. I'm doing mine on a Zapotec women's weaving cooperative called New Life/Vida Nueva or Galbain Cuy (in Zapotec) and how they have been able to successfully maintain their culture in a globalized economy and improve their rights as women. Then Monday was Constitution day, a national holiday so there was no Spanish class. We had class with Oliver anyway and talked about the dangers of getting a single perspective, I'll post the TED talk he had us watch...

Mas luego, adios!